Started off really bad. I seriously did not want to get out of bed. I just laid there paralysed. This fake cancer is really shit.
If I had to give it a real presence or a real name.. i'd probably give it negativity or depression.. maybe even this addiction to not feeling happy.. cos feeling happy is the wrong way to go.. like that book I read... Addicted to unhappiness by Martha Heinema Peiper. Really interesting book about people growing up thinking that unhappiness is actually happiness..
I really only ate a bit today.. even if it tasted crap I still ate it. I didn't really want to complain.
Yesterday was bad. Really bad.
Today was getting better. Yesterday I cried my eyes out. Today I didn't cry as much.
Some of my friends have been really supportive. Like really supportive. Sending me really touching emails. Lovely.
Though, I couldn't just sit there and be sad all the way through. So I set out to play some music on my guitar this morning. Worked out the chords for this one song that I really liked. It's from a movie called "Lavender", about a girl who lost her lover and then an Angel came down from heaven to try to heal her.
While working out the chords, I came across a chord progression sequence I thought was interesting. It sounds like an old song, but at the same time, it sounded really latino like. lol
I hope to turn it into an original song. Hopefully, it'll work out.
The day started really bad. It then got a little better. Now, it's not so bad.
For whatever is meant to be will be. There future's not ours to see.
Black Lisianthus x
5 weeks ago