Thursday, May 27, 2010

Day 141

Almost midway

I have to say i have accomplished quite a bit in the last month. It actually feels good, but a little boredome creeps up on me as now i haved finished doing what i hve to do in terms of study.

i have actually made a lot of changes lately and still in some ways feeling the repercussions of what i've done.

i've basically steered clear of a friend because i just felt that it was not healthy that we were always relying on each other and she really need to go her own way to figure out what she needs to figure out and i just didn't want this drama and chaos in my life.

next week i'm starting paid work which is really exciting. I haven't actually found a place where i wanted to work in for a long time. I guess this is the first organisation that i actually feel really apart of and really comfortable. I see potential, though where i can climb too doesn't seem to be that far away. So i know for sure there needs to be another horizon in the picture so that i can go further. so i'm actually quite happy and happilly looking into further study.

in terms of relationships, i'm really fed up. I really want to have a relationship now. I accidentally, or i guess, very luckily came across a tony robbins clip on youtube today because it was in my recommended videos for you bit... and it's not a new one. i've seen it before but what stood out to me was what tony said about relationship

"how can you say you want to be in a relationship but you don't want to make any commitments and you don't want to think of a life with anyone else"

major conflict.

I'm guilty of it. I know that. NOt the thinking of being with someone, but the refusing to commit to anything part. Lived in a comfortable cycle for so long that i just didn't want to man up and just pick a place to work for the fear of being bored, being fired, or just not fitting in.

i'm making a change and am thinking in a longer term view. I guess the major outlook into life that i need to make is to think about the staples in life and things that will tie me down. Although, that's not the reason why I want to do further study.

I really want him to come into my life now. I'm ready. I'm ready and willing to commit. I'm ready to pick the right guy, someone who seems to fit right in to my life and just be with him. yes i am.

I really am.