Friday, February 5, 2010

Day 28

Seriously.. like what is the date today? Feb 4th going on Feb 5th...

It's day 28, that means my experiement has only been going on for like almost a month, and seriously, why does it feel like TOO much has happened in just less than 28 days?

I seriously think that there's been too many crisis events and turning points and new adventures, thoughts, achievements, risks, challenges and low moments in the last 28 days. It's crazy. Too crazy...

Some things happened, seriously like only a few days ago, yet it feels like it happened ages ago. Well at least at the start of Feb, everything is slowing down. That agitation and that strange warp of feeling is over. I'm glad it's over. Maybe it's was the holidays and during the holidays you go crazy? lol..

Really good readings I've been reading today.. Really profound and most of them have given me the answers that I wanted to look for.

I think that if you have the time to sit back and really think about a question that you really want to ask, eventually the universe will give you the answers. I can say that I've been practising this from last year til now and my experience at my Counselling College has been the best experience that I've ever had a chance to do.

It just keeps getting more and more relevant to my life, each day, as I get into it more and more. Every moment in my life seems to be covered in the class. The people I meet have been the best, and it's given me an energy to meet more people, from all over the place that just seem to fall in on my life at the right moments.

I read this one article by John Gray (The Men are from Mars, Women are From Venus guy). It made me cry. It gave me the question that I was searching for because Mr. Tony Robbins asked us in yesterday's video for Valentine's week, "What is the story that you give yourself?"

I just bursted out crying. The weird thing is, I've read the book before. I read it like years ago.. I thought it was really crap back then.. Thinking it was out dated (written in 1988), like 20 years ago, how relevant could it be?

But the thing is, the way people behave has not really changed much since. Women still need to feel cherished, and men still need to feel needed.


What really took my breath away was the one thing that Gray wrote, "Women need to learn how to ask for what they want" because "men always want to give love to his woman". Ok, obviously not written in those words.. lol.. I think he write far more articulately than I.

But it's small things that we learn each day, because our mind is it it. I've been reading these things for class.. It does seem like something I want to get into in the long run. Perhaps when I've established my own Relationship and Family with someone else.

One question that has got me pondering lately is

"How do two people come together and want to start a family?"

What is that feeling, or thoughts that come into mind.

Think about it.. Two people came from different families. Grew up in different family units, different family systems and family rules. How do these two people who were once strangers, end up together and feel the need to want to be with each other for life?

This is an important question to ask, because what motivates you to want to be with THIS particular person and not THAT one.

Think about the divorce rates. So did they really think about whether they wanted to be with this person in the beginning... was it the right feeling? Did they judge wrongly?

Marriage, as sadly as it occurs, sometimes is done because of responsibility - she's pregnant.

Though, how many people get divorced eventually anyway, even in the presence of having children.

So why is marriage a responsibility? Because a child cannot be born outside of a marriage? But their families can be broken after they've grown up a little.

It makes me think. Why get together in the first place? What motivates you to get married in the first place?

I think that suffices a strong core for my thesis for my research project later on.

A Committed relationship.

Working on a relationship.

Healing a relationship.

Or is it the very fact that people just give up too easily today?

It is much more easier to just write the relationship as not-working, throw it out and try to find another right?

I guess.. the only analogy I could think of, is the very essence that if we do not learn how to ride a bike properly, we can't just throw out this bike and buy another one and then hope that we can ride better.

I think sometimes we fear working on something, because we fear the truth that may be the result of the hard effort.

Insecurity really does people's heads in.. I wonder where it comes from. Being disappointed as a child, from the lack of understanding/love from our parents? Or just from the sheer sadness of the countless times we've failed in relationships, or witnessed failures, that diminish any last traces of hope that THIS particular relationship can actually work?

Makes me wonder really. Maybe the answer will come to me once I start my classes next week. The class seems to be filled with older students.. probably married.. and maybe they can enlighten me. lol

Or maybe YOU can! :)

Black Lisianthus x

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The Black Lisianthus.