Thursday, March 4, 2010

Day 57

This is soooo not happening. I'm sick as a bitch. This is so annoyingggggggg

I have like an assignment due next week which I have not finished ... i missed my student placement yesterday, and sent them an email but didn't and couldn't call them and let them know and now they haven't even replied my email.

I feel like i don't want to care about anything at the moment. I just want to get better. The weather is doing this, it maybe hot but maybe cold shit.

The good thing about being sick at the moment is that it's given me a chance to just sit still. Like literally sit still. I'm literally not doing anything but sitting in a blob just watching tv or sleeping... or on the internet.. i actually feel more sick today than i did the other days.

My mind is blank. so blank.

I want to be somewhere else right now. Be with different people. Maybe even just for a little while.

I have this urge to just "I'm moving to New York to be an elite Fashion Entreprenuer". lol

I'm scared of how far i can and will go to get this.

I've looked at hiring out a small studio place in the city somewhere and really focus on my business. I'm scared i'll stop all this counselling stuff and start doing this NEIS program and change my path, refocus and really get back in there. I think maybe I should defer. I don't mind working at the Trauma Centre, I really don't, but at the same time, I'm only following a timetable with ACAP. I don't want to be a counsellor just yet.

I feel like i've been cheating on my husband (fashion) and thinking this new relationship with this new guy (counselling) is working out.. but... he's just not the right one... I'm still really inlove with my husband....

Gees.... this is really doing my head in... but this is the existential anxiety that we need to push ourselves to get to the next stage... some people just do it without thinking, some people like me.. think their brains out.

sighhhh............ am i gonna take this leap?

at least i don't have to "I'm moving to New York to become a Fashion Entreprenuer".

Black Lisianthus x

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The Black Lisianthus.